A FATHER'S BLESSING

"Joseph said to his father, "They are my sons, whom God has given me in this place." And he said, "Please bring them to me, and I will bless them" (Genesis 48:9, NIV).

Working with people in support groups over a number of years it amazed me how many participants—both men and women—had a father issue. That is, they felt that their father was never or rarely involved in their life either physically and/or emotionally when they were a child and/or a teenager. All of these people have a deep father wound because they never received their father's affirmation or blessing.

Popular author and psychologist, Gary Smalley, lists some key answers received after asking one hundred people how they knew that they had received their father's blessing. Following are some of the answers he received:

1. "My father would put his arm around me at church and let me lay my head on his shoulder."

2. "When my father was facing being transferred at work, he purposely took another job so that I could finish my senior year in high school at the same school."

3. "When I wrecked my parent's car, my father's first reaction was to hug me and let me cry instead of yelling at me."

4. "When I was thirteen, my dad trusted me to use his favorite hunting rifle when I was invited to go hunting with a friend and his father.

5. "My father went with me when I had to take back an ugly dress a saleswoman had talked me into buying."

6. "My father would let me practice pitching to him for a long time when he got home from work."

7. "Even though I had never seen him cry before, my father cried during my wedding because he was going to miss me no longer being at home."

For those of us who have had or still have an unresolved father issue we know the pain of missing out on our father's blessing. For fathers of children/teens who are reading this article, I trust you will realize the crucial role you play in the emotional and spiritual development of your children. With your blessing they have a much greater chance of having a fulfilling life and a healthy marriage and family life. Without your blessing they may, like millions of others, spend the rest of their life seeking love in all the wrong ways and places albeit in an unconscious and desperate attempt to fill the empty place in their heart caused by a lack of their father's blessing and their subsequent father wound.

SAY THIS: (if you have a father wound): "Our Loving Heavenly Father, thank you for helping me to see that I never received my father's blessing. Please lead me to the help I need for the healing and recovery of my father wound. (If you are a father): Please help me to be the father my children need so they will know without a shadow of a doubt that they have my full blessing. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, In Jesus loving Name I Pray, Amen."

A TRUE FRIEND

"A friend loves at all times. . ." (Proverbs 17:17, NIV).

Years ago a friend was talking to me about some people being "cursed with the affliction to give advice." At the time I had no idea what he was talking about. Sure sounded strange to me. Now I understand.

According to Webster's Dictionary, people "offering. . .unwanted advice" are officious. They can also be obnoxious. Such advice can be and often is a thinly veiled criticism.

I'm not talking about going to a lawyer or an accountant or a car mechanic or whatever where we need and are asking for professional advice. What I'm talking about is when we share our struggles and feelings with a friend and they have a compulsion to tell us what we should or shouldn't be doing, or to "fix" us. They are in fact putting us down in that they are assuming that they know our needs better than we know them ourselves.

Even when some people want us to tell them what to do, it is a much greater help not to tell them what we think they should do, but to help THEM come up with their own options and solutions. This is what a good counselor does. He helps clients see what their options are and decide for themselves what they need to do.

What I want from a friend when I am feeling in the pits is someone to listen to me with their heart, give me their presence, and accept me as I am—and let me know they care—without giving any kind of advice or trying to fix me.

These friends can be rare. Even rarer is the friend who knows how to weep with those who weep.

In his book, Out of Solitude, Henri Nouwen wrote, "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

May God help us all to be this kind of a friend.

SAY THIS: "Almighty God, please give me an understanding, caring, and compassionate heart and help me to learn how to listen to my friends' pain, to accept them as they are, to communicate to them that I truly care— without having a compulsion to give unsolicited advice or try to fix them. To my friends in need please help me to be a friend indeed. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, In Jesus loving Name I Pray, Amen."

DON'T FORGET TO PRAY

"The men of Israel sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the Lord" (Joshua 9:14, NIV).

After the days of Moses when the armies of Israel, led by Joshua, were conquering the Promised Land marked out for them by God, the surrounding kings and nations were understandably terrified. This was because God was with the Israelites giving them great victories wherever they went.

However, the men of Gibeon, a nearby country, resorted to trickery and outsmarted Joshua. They sent a delegation to Joshua with the appearance of having come from a distant land so they could deceive Joshua into making a treaty with them. Their donkeys carried worn-out sacks and old wineskins that were cracked and had been mended. They wore old clothes, and worn and patched sandals, and the bread they carried with them was dry and moldy.

Their ruse worked. Joshua signed a treaty with them and only afterwards discovered they were a neighboring people among those countries God had told Joshua to destroy because of their wickedness. They had to live with the consequences as a result.

Joshua's mistake was that he made this treaty without praying and inquiring of the Lord! An extremely valuable lesson for all of us to learn!

SAY THIS: "Merciful Father in Heaven, thank you for including this story in your Word, the Bible, as a graphic reminder for me to seek your guidance and direction for every aspect of my life, so that I will continuously live in harmony with your perfect will. Gratefully, In Jesus loving Name I Pray, Amen."